


of boxers, golden orbs and...propeller hats?

by amugfulofstarlight



Category: Lupin III
Genre: Desert Island, Gen, Stranded, comedy of sorts?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:55:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26369872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amugfulofstarlight/pseuds/amugfulofstarlight
Summary: After a mishap involving a thunderstorm at sea, a strange relic and an intrepid inspector, Lupin, Goemon and Jigen find themselves stranded on a deserted island, along with Inspector Zenigata!With their boat shattered to pieces and with Lady Luck not on their side, can the four of them find a way off the island before they completely lose it?---For the Lupin III Big Bang 2020, a gift for Rosa, who requested for a comedy/friendship fic involving Lupin, Jigen, Zenigata and Goemon.
Relationships: Ishikawa Goemon XIII & Jigen Daisuke & Arsène Lupin III & Zenigata Kouichi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17
Collections: Lupin III Big Bang 2020





	of boxers, golden orbs and...propeller hats?

**Author's Note:**

> This is my gift for Rosa, I hope you like it!

Waves rippled across the sea, as a white speedboat tore through the moonlight-speckled water. It wouldn’t have been something worth paying attention to, were it not for the trenchcoat-clad man hanging onto rope tied to the back of the boat. The man was getting thrown up into the air and down into the freezing cold water with every bounce of the boat.

“Lupin! You’re under arrest!” Inspector Zenigata screamed as he dangled off the end of the boat like a flailing water-skier, his coat and hat soaked and the taste of salt water lingering in his lips. 

“Pops’s persistent, I’ll give ‘im that,” said Jigen behind the wheel, trying to shake the inspector off. He took a puff from his cigarette, blowing rings of smoke into the air. 

“He wouldn’t be Pops if he wasn’t,” Lupin giggled as he looked out at the inspector. The thief’s hands clutched onto a golden orb that looked more like a giant egg. Silver accents that resembled serpents swam and swirled around its golden surface, with tiny emeralds studded on virtually every corner. “We should probably let him go now though...Goemon!”

From his seat at the back of the boat, the samurai turned to where the engine was, where Zenigata’s handcuffs were wrapped around the stern. Unsheathing Zantetsuken, he was about to put an end to Zenigata’s attempt at water sports, when the night sky turned grey and rain began pouring and pounding, lightning and thunder following close after. The storm agitated the waves, making them bigger, their gentle lapping against the boat now turning into violent crashes. Zenigata’s grip on his rope began to falter, the rope soggy and his palms slipping. 

“Jigen! We need to find a place to stop!” Goemon yelled as thunder rumbled and roared. His hair was now soaked and it clung to his cheeks and forehead. 

“Well I would if the nearest island wasn’t so far away!” The wind picked up and almost swept the marksman’s hat right off his head. “Any ideas, boss?” 

“Hmmm...wish this boat could just teleport there and away from this storm,” Lupin rubbed his chin, nonchalant in the face of danger as always.

“Guess we’re fucked then,” Jigen huffed and lit a new cigarette, which immediately fell out of his mouth as his jaw dropped. “Hey Lupin, the treasure!”

“Ara-?” The orb began glowing and shaking in Lupin’s hands, several of its emeralds shattering into green glittery dust, as the boat was bathed in a golden light. 

“Lupin, what is happening?” Goemon called out.

“What the-” Zenigata cried as the boat shook violently, the vibrations coursing through his still soaked and flailing form. All of a sudden he felt a lurch in his stomach, as his vision went black and his head spun. It felt like his body was moving against his will, his internal organs churning and his mind lagging. 

A bolt of lightning casted down from the sky, but as it struck down onto the stormy sea, all it found was rippling waves, with no boat or thieves or inspector in sight.

* * *

Zenigata awoke to the scent of cooked fish and the sight of a star-filled sky. He sat up and noticed that his clothes were gone, leaving only a pair of boxers that had bright red hearts all over. 

“Pops, you’re finally awake!” Lupin grinned, his mouth full of fish, white flakes dotted around his lips. The thief was also pretty much naked, save for the white and blue striped boxers. 

“L-Lupin!?” 

“Cute boxers,” chuckled Jigen, as he tore off a chunk of fish with his teeth. Unsurprisingly, he was also mostly naked, save for his hat and a pair of baby blue boxers covered with little yellow chicks.

A warmth and rosy flush spread across the inspector’s cheeks. He cleared his throat. “Could say the same to you.”

A stick with a fish skewered through it was shoved in front of him. “Eat this,” said Goemon. The samurai was in nothing but his fundoshi, his hair soaked and his face as serious as ever. 

Zenigata thanked the samurai and meekly bit into the flesh of the freshly cooked fish. Of all the things that he thought would happen today, sitting on a beach half-naked and eating fish with his equally half-naked rival and his companions wasn’t it.

“We had to strip you to dry off your wet clothes, wouldn’t want you to freeze and go all pruney,” laughed Lupin.

“Just what the hell happened, Lupin?” Zenigata looked up from his fish. 

Lupin grabbed the golden orb from next to him. “Remember this? Well turns out it’s some kind of wish-granting artifact.” The thief tossed it high into the air and caught it with ease. “It must’ve heard me wanting to teleport out of the storm and dropped us onto this island.”

“So we could just use it to get off this island then!”

“We thought so too, Pops. ‘Fraid it didn’t work.” Finishing his fish, Jigen took off his hat and dusted the sand off it, putting it back on his head. He grabbed a cigarette from the soggy pack next to him and lit one with their campfire, exhaling puffs of smoke into the chilly nighttime air. “See those green gems? ‘parently when a wish is made, it uses some of them up. The bigger the wish, the more gems get blown up.”

“So what you’re saying is,” Zenigata finished his fish, wiping the grease and flakes from around his lips with the back of his hand. “it doesn’t have enough to bring us home or repair your boat.” 

“Precisely, inspector,” said Goemon, eyes shut.

“So we’re stuck here?” 

“Yup, you’ve got it right on the nose, Pops!” Lupin snapped his fingers and exclaimed. His nonchalance in the face of such a dire situation made Zenigata’s blood boil and bubble up within him. The lawman stomped over to the other side of the campfire, and grabbed the thief by his shoulders, lifting him up and off his feet. He glared daggers into Lupin’s eyes.

“Lupin! When we get back to Japan I’m gonna-”

“Relax, Pops! I’m sure your Interpol pals will be looking for you and they’ll come rescue you soon enough! In the meantime,” Lupin grinned a toothy grin, his smile moving up from his lips and up to his eyes, making them crinkle at the edges. “What do you say we call a temporary truce? To survive till then.”

Zenigata begrudgingly let go of the thief. “Fine, but when this is over I’m putting you behind bars!” 

“Great! Pleasure working with you, Koichi!” Lupin grabbed the inspector’s hand and locked it in a tight grip, shaking it vigorously with much more force and enthusiasm than necessary. 

Upon hearing his first name, the flush from before returned in full force to invade Zenigata’s cheeks. “D-don’t call me that!” 

* * *

Three days had passed since the four of them teleported and crashed onto the island. The sun’s rays were sweltering and the trees on the island offered very little in terms of shade. Even though their clothes had become completely dry by the morning of the second day, it was much too hot to wear them, so they remained in their underwear. 

Goemon had attempted to make a raft, but upon placing it into the water a solitary lightning bolt with comically unfortunate timing descended from the sky and split it in two. Lupin tinkered with the boat’s radio, attempting to establish any form of contact, only to be met with incessant static with no possibility of someone answering. His gadgets had been fried due to the storm and the golden orb’s sudden activation, much to the thief’s dismay. 

Zenigata helped Goemon catch fish and accompanied the samurai when he went deep into the island to forage for fruit and anything else they could have to sustain themselves. Lupin was undoubtedly resourceful, but Goemon was scarily good and efficient, being able to make a fire, spear fish and climb trees without so much as breaking a sweat. The young samurai’s survival skills were admirable to the inspector.

“Where did you learn to do all this?” He asked as Goemon climbed to the top of a palm tree, using Zantetsuken to cut down coconuts. Zenigata caught the fruit as it fell down. 

“My training often brings me into the mountains, the seas and other kinds of environments. So I’m used to surviving on my own.” The samurai answered matter-of-factly from top of the tree, his thighs gripping firmly around the tree’s trunk in a way that seemed almost effortless. 

“Well it’s very impressive. Lupin must be lucky to have you as a member of his gang.”

Goemon spluttered and coughed. His thighs’ grip on the trunk loosened and the samurai fell and landed unceremoniously by Zenigata’s feet, surprising the inspector and causing him to drop a few of the coconuts onto Goemon’s head. 

“A-are you alright!?” 

Goemon immediately leapt up to his feet, adjusting the cloth of his fundoshi and returning Zantetsuken back to its sheath. Rubbing his forehead, which throbbed from the coconutty attack, he turned to look at Zenigata. The lawman noticed the rosy pink flush that spread from Goemon’s cheeks to the very tips of his ears. 

“I-I am fine, your concern is much appreciated, inspector.” There was a stutter in his words and his eyes avoided Zenigata’s concerned gaze. Zenigata never thought he would ever see the samurai’s stoic demeanor falter. He seemed to be the epitome of discipline, seriousness and no-nonsense and here he was still trying to gather his words whilst nursing his slightly bruised forehead. 

“We should return, Lupin and Jigen are expecting us.” The samurai muttered under his breath and stomped off, his shoulders tense and his footsteps large yet hurried. 

The walk back to their campsite was quiet and Zenigata breathed a sigh of relief when the beach was starting to swim into view. 

“What happened to you two?” Jigen looked up from his lounging position on the sand, his hat and bangs obscuring his eyes. A bent, unlit cigarette was between his lips. Zenigata’s hands were carrying what looked to be ten coconuts, whilst Goemon, who followed closely behind, seemed to be looking around aimlessly, doing everything in his willpower to not meet anyone’s gaze.

“Uhhh Goemon fell out of a tree, and I dropped coconuts onto his head?” 

Jigen got up and looked over at Goemon, noticing the lingering blush that clung to the samurai’s cheeks. “What did ya do to make ‘im fall out like that? Did ya compliment ‘im or somethin’?” 

“I guess so? It was just a comment though.” Zenigata shrugged as best he could with the coconuts in his hands. 

Jigen laughed. It was a loud, booming laugh that was warm and burst forth from the gunman’s chest, making his whole body shake. This caught Zenigata off guard. 

“This guy gets flustered with the slightest compliment.” With his fluffy curtain of hair still covering his eyes, Jigen grinned from ear to ear. He wrapped an arm around Goemon’s neck. “You could comment on his sword skills and he’d spend the rest of the day thinking about it and go all red.” 

It happened in a flash. Goemon’s thumb popped Zantetsuken out from its sheath, and in the next moment Jigen’s hat split in two and the fillets of fabric fluttered onto the sand. 

“Hey!” To add insult to injury, his cigarette too got sliced in two and plopped sadly onto the ground, joining the remains of his trademark hat.

Goemon huffed and stomped past the marksman, towards Lupin who was preparing the campfire for tonight’s dinner. 

* * *

Lupin burst into laughter when Zenigata relayed what had happened earlier. The thief, tickled with glee, rolled around in the sand and kicked his feet up.

“Not funny, Lupin. You see what he did to my hat?” Jigen pointed an accusatory finger in Goemon’s face. “I didn’t do shit and he slices it up like sashimi.”

“I was merely slicing a worthless object. You could simply wish for a new hat, could you not?” Goemon sipped on the juice from the sliced coconut half in his hands. 

Jigen clicked his tongue. “You can be such a big baby sometimes, y’know that?” 

“Well we can’t use it for big wishes like getting the boat fixed or teleporting off the island, so knock yourself out Jigen!” Lupin tossed the golden orb over to the gunman, who caught it. 

Jigen sighed and looked at the orb hesitantly. “Uhhh okay golden egg, I wish for a new...hat? That what I’m supposed to say?” 

The orb began to glow and throb in Jigen’s calloused hands, one of the remaining emeralds shattering into countless glittering specks of dust. A soft yellow glow materialized around Jigen’s head like an ephemeral halo, and in the next moment a hat appeared on his head. This hat was, unfortunately for Jigen, but much to Lupin’s amusement, not his usual hat. It was a baseball cap in blue, red and yellow, and atop it was a tiny propeller that spun in the evening breeze. 

“Thing’s got a sense of humor,” Jigen groaned, as Lupin exploded into a fit of giggles. Next to the marksman, the samurai snorted, Goemon turning away to suppress a chuckle. 

Zenigata, who had, in the last few days, tried to maintain a professional distance from the three thieves in spite of their alliance (after all he was, at the end of the day, their enemy), burst into tearful laughter at the spectacle. His laughter prompted the other three to smile. 

Walls were broken down and he realized that Lupin and his two companions were good company. He almost forgot about the predicament that they were in, that they were half-naked on a deserted island eating nothing but fish, berries and coconuts. 

ICPO were taking forever to rescue him, but he didn’t mind. The inspector could wait for just a bit longer.

That night, amongst another meal of fish over fire, shared laughter and teasing, Zenigata felt completely at ease. 

* * *

Fluffy and plump noodles, soft pillows of tofu that melted in your mouth, scatterings of scallions floating in fragrant miso soup, broth that carried with it a hint of dashi......Zenigata felt like he was in heaven, as the aroma wafted into his nose and filled him with homely comforts. 

Marbled meat perfectly seared, with fragrant gravy cascading down the medium-rare slab. Chunky, twice-fried crispy chips accompanied the steak, seasoned with salt, pepper and paprika. It was piping hot and greasy, and it made Jigen salivate. 

Delicately sliced fillets of tuna, salmon and mackerel rested atop tiny beds of sushi rice. They were coupled with a dollop of wasabi and a clump of pickled radish, along with a small pot of soy sauce. The sliced fish glistened under the midday sun, as Goemon eyed them eagerly. 

The glow of the golden orb began to ebb, and intermingled with the sand were specks of emerald dust.

“Hey I found some berries in the bushes back there and- don’t tell me you three used the orb to wish for food,” Lupin caught the three red-handed, as he spotted the bowl of soba, the hot plate of steak and fries, and the plate of freshly-made sushi. 

Zenigata scratched the back of his head sheepishly. “Wanted something other than fish and coconut for a change…” The inspector looked like a deer in headlights.

“Heh, sorry Lupin-chan,” Jigen bowed his head slightly, grinning in mock apology. The gunman picked up a chip and chucked it into his mouth.

“I can’t believe even you would give in, Goemon-chan!” 

Eyes closed and lips pressed firmly into a line, the samurai said, with the straightest face: “One must have a healthy meal to have a healthy body and mind.” Goemon split the disposable chopsticks and mixed some of the wasabi into the soy sauce. “Itadakimasu,” he said, as he sunk his teeth into one of the sushi pieces.

“Itadakimabullshit, spare me the excuses. We’ve been stranded here for almost a week and you’re just wasting the orb’s last gems on sushi?” 

“Who are you to judge when you have a poster-sized photo of Fujiko in your hand?” The samurai interrogated.

“Oh this? Well…” Lupin searched his mind for an answer. “I had this folded up in my pocket and just remembered I had it!”

“So you just keep a large print of Fujiko on your person at all times?” Goemon raised an eyebrow, his eyes trained on Lupin as he continued to devour his meal.

“Okay, okay, I wished for it! I just miss seeing Fujicakes’ beautiful face...satisfied Ishikawa-sensei?” Lupin frowned.

Goemon smirked. He plopped a piece of soy sauce-dipped sushi into Lupin’s mouth. 

Lupin chewed and swallowed. “Not bad for something cooked up by a golden goose egg.” 

* * *

“Jigen, now!” Goemon yelled. The letters “S-O-S” were drawn onto the sand by Zantetsuken, as a plane approached and was about to fly by the island.

Grabbing his Magnum, Jigen aimed upwards into the sky and pulled the trigger. He unleashed three successive shots into the air, the bangs loud and resounding. 

It wasn’t a flare, but it would have to do. The marksman hoped that the sound would draw the pilot’s attention. The boat’s radio was completely busted and Lupin and Zenigata’s guns had run out of bullets, so this was their last resort. 

The plane soared past the island, but when it looked like it was about to see their message, rain pelted down from the sky, followed closely by the rumble of thunder and the unwelcome flashes of lightning. Seeing the oncoming thunderstorm, the plane flew away, leaving the four soaked on the damp beach. 

The rain had dampened their firewood, and despite the abundance of palm trees around the island, the island offered no promise of shade or shelter. 

“Fuck, we’ll freeze to death if it keeps raining like this,” said Jigen as he tucked his Magnum into the back of his boxers. 

“We could get some palm leaves and- Goemon, Pops, what’re you doing at the boat?” Lupin called out, as the sky darkened and the sea’s waves became agitated and rocky. 

“Lupin! We can use this piece from the boat as shelter from the rain!” The inspector yelled over the thunder and rain, as he helped the samurai dislodge a large chunk of the boat’s broken hull from the wet sand. The duo carried it over to where Lupin and Jigen were. 

“Hurry, get under it!” Goemon said, grabbing Zantetsuken from where he left it. The four of them huddled and squeezed under the surprisingly sturdy makeshift roof, as raindrops hammered above them. 

“Managed to grab all our clothes before they got too soggy,” Jigen draped his jacket over his shoulders, handing everyone their respective coats (and in Goemon’s case, his yukata). 

Lupin rubbed his palms together. “Still freezing though...I swear that golden orb brings nothing but bad luck and rain.”

“Like a super tacky monkey’s paw,” Jigen quipped.

Goemon’s yukata was slightly damp from the sudden downpour, but having his arms through its baggy cotton sleeves was still warmer than being shirtless. He pulled both sides of the garment close to his chest, tugging on the collar tightly. 

Zenigata, being absurdly tall and well-built, felt chilly but was not freezing like the thief and the gunman were. Even the samurai, who was arguably the most muscular out of the three rogues, seemed to shiver occasionally despite his attempts to remain firm and look unaffected by the chill. 

Throughout his many years of chasing after Lupin, Koichi Zenigata never thought he would be begrudgingly offering his rival and his companions the warmth of his thick trenchcoat. 

Then again, he wouldn’t want his rival to die from hypothermia...not before he could slap a pair of handcuffs onto his wrists and put him behind bars.

“Thanks, Pops,” said Lupin as he and Jigen huddled closer towards the inspector, squeezing into the warm embrace of his trenchcoat. To Jigen’s right, Goemon remained off to the side, eyes closed and legs folded up. 

“C’mon Goemon, it’s warm in here,” said Jigen.

“Much appreciated, but I can handle a little cold. I have train-achoo!” Goemon unleashed a sneeze which caused his whole body to jump. 

“Stop being stubborn and come in here!” Zenigata reached over and grabbed the samurai by the sleeve of his yukata, dragging him closer. Underneath that broken boat hull and amidst the tangled mess of jackets and coats, the four had become a body heat sandwich.

“What were you saying about that training?” In the middle of the sandwich, Lupin grinned at Goemon, who simply let out a defeated sigh and snuggled closer. Their combined body heat had made the freezing cold of the thunderstorm somewhat more bearable. 

Zenigata looked out into the stormy seas and at the now smudged letters carved into the damp sand. He wondered what was taking his superiors so long. Maybe the golden orb really was some kind of bad luck magnet and it would still be awhile until they could be rescued. He tried to shake those thoughts out of his head, and tried to cling onto any semblance of hope he had left. 

He turned to his right and saw that the three thieves were now fast asleep, Lupin in particular snoring loudly. The inspector smiled and closed his eyes. 

As the storm raged on, he took comfort in their company, falling fast asleep underneath the trenchcoat that wrapped them up in a bundle. Of all the people he could’ve been stuck in this situation with, he was glad it was them. 

* * *

The sound of a running engine jolted Lupin awake, as he opened his eyes to calm, sun-specked waves and a clear, cloudless sky.

In the distance, he saw a white motorboat docked by the wreckage of theirs, a lone figure moving things from the wreckage onto their vessel. 

Jigen, Goemon and Zenigata were still fast asleep. Lupin squeezed out of their little human sandwich and crawled out of their makeshift shelter. Pulling on his red jacket, he walked towards the figure in the distance, hand reaching towards his Walther. Though it ran out of bullets, he could bluff his way out of it if the person turned out to be dangerous. 

He walked slowly, the sand muffling the sound of his footsteps. As he approached, his caution immediately turned into glee, as he recognised the familiar figure of one Fujiko Mine.

“Fujicakes!” Lupin’s eyes were filled with hearts. 

“Oh Lupin!” Fujiko had a pair of sunglasses atop her head, her hair in a curly bob. A teal Hawaiian shirt with pineapples all over wrapped her figure, and she wore a pair of distressed denim shorts, accompanied with a pair of sandals. “Hi Jigen, nice hat and boxers.”

Behind Lupin, an approaching Jigen yawned and waved at Fujiko. “What took you so long? And how d’ya find us?”

“I planted a tracking device on the golden orb, but with all the storms going on, it interfered with the signal,” said the lady thief, as she looked at the gleaming treasure in her hands. “Shame all the emeralds are gone now though. Anyways I came here to get the treasure you guys stole, even if the orb is all used up at least I got all this gold!” She gestured to the bags of gold coins and jewelry piled up at the back of her boat.

“Figured you weren’t here for us, got a smoke?” 

Fujiko pulled out a pack of cigarettes from her back pocket, offering Jigen a not-soaking-wet cigarette, lighting it with her lighter. “Where’s Goemon and Zenigata?” 

Jigen took a puff from the cigarette. “They’re both still aslee-nevermind, Goemon’s here.” 

Goemon, who was now dressed in his yukata and hakama, walked up to the trio. 

“Well, now that the gang’s all here it’s time I leave. Can’t have ICPO getting all of this gold.” Fujiko hopped into her boat and revved up the engine, pulling her sunglasses down over her eyes. Waving them goodbye and blowing a kiss, she drove off, with the golden orb and gold coins in tow. 

“What about us, Fujicakes?” Lupin yelled.

“Might as well wait for ICPO to get here, can never really count on her to save us,” Jigen blew smoke rings into the air.

“She left a raft,” said Goemon, pointing at a large inflatable raft with oars that was tied to one of the rocks by the shore.

“See Jigen, she does love us.” 

“Your perception of what love is is warped, buddy.” Jigen sighed and rolled his eyes. 

* * *

“What about Zenigata? Are we really abandoning him here?”

“Oh don’t worry about him, Goemon, ICPO’s coming to get him,” Lupin pointed at the ship that was slowly making its way towards the island, with what looked like twenty policemen on it.

* * *

The three of them rowed and slowly left the island behind them. All was quiet that late afternoon, the clouds billowy and cotton-candy-like and the waves gentle and serene.

Until a familiar voice let out a scream behind them.

“Lupin! Think you could get away!?”

The trio whipped around at the sound of Zenigata’s voice. The inspector was perched at the vessel’s bow, with nothing but his trenchcoat, hat and boxers on, arms crossed and a goofy grin plastered on his face. 

His grin seemed softer, and as his heart-patterned boxers fluttered in the wind, Zenigata laughed as they resumed their cat-and-mouse game, as Lupin and his gang tried their hardest to outrow ICPO’s boat. This time, the camaraderie forged, the time he had spent with those three, had given their relationship and little game a whole new coat of paint. 

“C’mon guys, row!” The trio rowed as hard and as fast as they could, Lupin, Jigen and Goemon smiling as the sun began to descend and the sky began to shift from blue to orange and red hues. The policemen atop ICPO’s boat were confused at the lack of urgency or energy in the pursuit, how it seemed like both parties were simply playing around, a strange sense of teasing playfulness permeating the air. 

As both vessels moved across the sunkissed waves, Lupin’s giggles and Zenigata’s boisterous and booming laughs soared into the evening air. Tomorrow they would go back to the way things were, with seemingly-impossible heists, high speed car chases and sliced up and shot up police cars. Today however, they simply relished in each other’s company, in this strange game they liked to play. Their experiences on the island were physically and mentally draining, and they had eaten enough fish and coconuts to last a millennia, but between the four of them a closer bond had been formed. 

And it was all thanks to a golden egg.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if there's any grammatical errors that I missed out while editing it! I've never tried writing something comedic before so this was quite a fun experience and I hope it's alright. :D


End file.
